Overcoming Adolescent Fears

As children move into adolescence, they engage in a brand new culture. So many things begin to change in their lives. They begin to separate themselves into new peer groups. Acceptance becomes a key concern which leads to new behaviors and activities. School becomes more difficult as they wade through these adolescence changes. They begin to pull more toward independence as they grow mentally, physically and into new relationships.

This new world starts around their entrance into the 6th grade and really doesn't end until they graduate from high school. Some studies show this even lingers into the college years. That's why we call adolescence the "Formative years." These six short years represent the period in your child's life where they will experience the most change. Change in personality, habits, physically, social behavior, and spiritual formation.

These changes often result in deep feelings of fear. Yes, fear for the parents. I was terrified! I wanted to lock my daughters up and release them when they married. After I determined that sounded like a cult, I got over it. Parents fear these changes and some have hair loss or change in hair color to prove it. But it brings even more fear into the adolescent mind. It all happens so fast and is so powerful that fear is a natural reaction to this new culture. This is a natural reaction to the change going on both in their lives and the changes going on around them. Particularly in their peer culture.

The role of parents is critical during adolescence. I have a friend who has three teenage girls. He recently told me that real parenting didn't begin until his daughters started middle school. "Suddenly," he said, "Parenting is hard work!" Most parents will agree. Parents play a crucial role in helping their children sort out the new world and understanding the changes in their culture. More important, parents help their children work through the fear this change brings into their young lives.

Fear has the potential to completely immobilize your child. It can stop them from pursuing their interest and reaching their goals. It can also hinder them from reaching their full potential as a follower of Christ. They become paralyzed by their fear.

Parents play a pivotal role in helping their children understand and face these fears. These are teachable moments. Helping teenagers  overcome their fears is a big part of their future success.

What is a teenager's greatest fear? Fear of failure.

A recent survey among a large adolescent sample group found that failure was their greatest fear.

Teenagers live in a culture that has a tendency to measure success and failure based on superficial standards heavily influenced by media outlets. This leads teenagers to fear they aren't pretty enough, thin enough, cool enough, strong enough, smart enough, and even fear they will greatly disappoint their parents by not living up to their idea for their lives. The fear is real and has great influence on their lives. It affects the way they dress, the activities they engage in, their choice of friends. It develops a sense of risk versus reward where they will only attempt the things that guarantee success. This is a dangerous precedent as they often settle for mediocrity.

Teenagers must understand that failure is often the greatest cause of future success. Sometimes we will fail in life. Some of us will fail often. I'm not bitter. With each failure is a golden opportunity to lean and grow. We are never guaranteed that everything we attempt will succeed. But be sure you will never succeed if you don't at least try.

Parents. Allow your children to fail. Never discourage them from their ambitions. Well, unless those ambitions are immoral, dangerous, or involve anything to do with worshipping Satan. This sounds like crazy talk, but failure, when approached from a learning standpoint is incredibly valuable to their lives. Use it to their advantage.

Some of their fear is fueled by the need to please the people they love and trust the most. That's their parents. Always encourage them to try the things that interest them. If they fail, use those failures as valuable teachable moments. This mentality greatly impacts their young lives.

We all know the story of basketball great Michael Jordan. Initially he was a failure at basketball. At the beginning of his sophomore season, Michael Jordan was cut from the high school team. He wasn't good enough. That's hard to imagine. The key to his future success was his ability to use those failures as moments of clarity. His mother used these failures to express her faith and love for him and to encourage him to continue working hard to achieve his dream. This pushed him to try harder. He would later say that her encouragement and love produced confidence in his ability to achieve. We all know the results.  Michael Jordan will go down as one of the greatest players in basketball history.

We could fill this article with the names of people who experienced failure only to use those failures as a catalyst for success. Names like, Beethoven, actor Harrison Ford, comedian Jerry Seinfeld, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, and Albert Einstein. All of these great people experienced great failures in their lives only to go on to achieve amazing success. They all attribute their failures as the determining factor to their success.

I love this quote from Robert F. Kennedy.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."

Finally. It's so important that your children understand the unconditional love you have for them. It's so important that your children know your love for them isn't based on performance. When they fail, and be sure, they will, take advantage of the opportunity to express your love for them and help them grow through the failures. This reassurance and act of love will produce confidence in their abilities and encourage them to press on toward their goals and passions.

Even bigger, help them understand God's unconditional love for them. God is in the business of redeeming our failures for His glory. Anything we attempt for God's glory is a guaranteed success! It's not always easy, and the success is not always obvious, but it's always a win. I like that.

What MTV Reveals About The Youth Culture

I want my MTV!

Oh yeah! I was a rabid MTV fan as a teenager and even into adulthood. When MTV first aired, it was more about music than the current trend toward reality television. They actually lived up to their name, "Music Television." The first video I watched on MTV was "Little Red Corvette" by the pop icon, Prince. Maybe I'm dating myself . . . I digress. MTV was revolutionary in the music video genre. They made it possible to watch your favorite music artist, singing your favorite songs in short videos. Genius idea. It sure beat "American Bandstand," and "Soul Train." Yes. I might have watched Soul Train. I was trying to learn how to dance. What can I say? The "Robot" is difficult to learn.

The current news about a new reality program on MTV called, "Losing It," has once again put the network under a microscope. This show was to feature people in the pursuit of losing their virginity. Fortunately, the outcry from parents and major organizations caused MTV to cancel the show. If you scratch beneath the surface you will find the main reason for the cancellation was organizations threatening to remove advertisements. Make no mistake. It was not a decision based on morality. That's never been their style. It was a simple issue of basic economics. So what does this say about MTV?

Music Television 101

MTV targets a younger audience. The idea behind the channel is one of marketing genius. In fact, most people think that MTV should change their name to ATV, for "Advertising Television." Advertising is the main purpose for the network. This isn't some tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theory. They are very open in their pursuit of the billions of dollars an adolescent audience represents. Before we cast stones, it is important to point out that the purpose of every network is to make money. This is why they exist. The motivation is to create programs that will attract an audience. If you are successful in drawing an audience the product advertisers will follow. The more advertisers you attract, the more profit you generate for your network. This is business 101. It's not that complex.

MTV's parent company is Viacom. Viacom is an American global media company. They own several popular networks. Their most profitable networks are, MTV,  Nickelodeon, Country Music Television, Comedy Central, and VH1. MTV is their most profitable network. It is estimated that MTV generates over one billion dollars in annual profits. The American market represents 80% of MTV's revenue.

Teenagers represent MTV's main source of revenue. Their largest audience comes from the 12-34 year old age group. If you focus the microscope a little more, you will find the primary audience is teenagers between the ages of 13-19. Over 32 million people in the Untied States watch MTV at least once a week. 8.5 million teenagers watch MTV at least once a day. It seems they have captured their target audience. This is by design.

There are currently around 32 million teenagers living in America. This represents the largest group of teenagers in American history. They are also the most marketed group of teenagers in the history of media. The reason is simple. Teenagers represent the age group with the most expendable income. Most agree that teenagers run today's economy. On average, teenagers in America spend around 100 billion dollars of their earnings every year. Their parents contribute another 50 billion dollars to their desires. This means teenagers represent around 150 billion dollars in potential revenue. The math is simple. Companies target teenagers because they are willing to spend most of their earnings and certainly don't mind spending their parents earnings. Starting to see the genius behind MTV? This was the impetus for the network. Their primary goal is to attract an audience who will buy the products advertised on their network. Attracting a teenage audience is the key to their success. Without teenagers, MTV would cease to exist.

MTV doesn't view teenagers as people but as customers. Again, this shouldn't come as a surprise. They exist to make money. They use various means to get into the mind of the teenage audience. They even use "Culture Spies" to obtain vital information. "Culture Spies," are people hired to engage teenagers in their natural habitat. They infiltrate the teenage audience to obtain vital information about popular trends. They essentially want to know what teenagers view as cool. This information drives MTV's programming. They cater to the teenagers perception of cool because cool sales products. They even have teams that visits teenagers in their homes. They are relentless in their pursuit of understanding the current popular teenage trends.

This is both genius and horrifying. If MTV learns the culture to reach into the wallets of this culture, then what does that say about the current teenage culture? All of MTV's programs are specifically designed to reach the teenage audience. They learn the teenage culture so they can attract them to their network. This means their programming is shaped by the values and felt needs of the current teenage culture.

One of the most popular programs in the history of MTV is the realty show called "Jersey Shore." This program features a group of friends living in New Jersey. There is no plot. Just an open view into the lives of the characters. It only takes one viewing to understand the basic premiss. They are all basically alcoholics who seem to live in a constant state of party. They routinely engage in sexual activity and generally represents a parents nightmare. Did I mention this is probably the most popular shows in the history of MTV?  Jersey Shore has made instant celebrities of all of its characters. Keep in mind that this show only survives because of a teenage audience. What does this mean? This means teenagers living in America have created this monster. We can blame them for having to endure "The Situation," and "Snooki."

Let's connect some dots. MTV sells out to learning everything they can about the current teenage culture. They learn the culture to reach the culture to make money. This means all of their programming is shaped by the values of the current teenage culture. Which leads us to the tragic conclusion that every show presented by MTV represents the very heartbeat of an entire generation of teenagers. MTV creates shows to attract what teenagers see as cool. They are not alone in this pursuit. If you look at the most popular television programs in the teenage demographic, you will find shows like, "Glee," and "Family Guy." Again, both representing the tone of a teenage culture. Let's be clear. If Christianity was perceived as cool by the teenage culture, MTV and other networks would feature programs to attract that audience. "Jersey Shore" might be, "Jesus Shore." Oh, that was bad. You get the point.

The reality is, despite the common sentiment, MTV is not out to shape the teenage culture through their programming. They just want their expendable income.  However, their programming does reveal the current mentality of a teenage culture. If you want to know what this teenager culture perceives as cool, watch MTV. This is a heart breaking reality.

So instead of getting our pitchforks and torches and storming the 2nd floor of  the Viacom Headquarters in New York City, we should take a deeper look at the values and norms of the teenage culture. MTV is simply a reflection of this teenage culture. If the values and morality of the teenage culture changed, so would MTV.

It's always easy to cast blame for the current issues in adolescent culture. Sure, MTV should exhibit more caution in their programming.  They are certainly cognizant of the fact that teenagers are extremely vulnerable and impressionable. This article is not a defense of MTV. But the bigger issue is a teenage culture drifting away from the very basics of civility and morality. The very things God instruct parents to teach and model to their children. The very things those in teenage leadership surrender their lives to proclaim. What does this revelation say about our efforts?

In a very real way, MTV is showing us the current tone of the teenage culture. If MTV pulled the plug on its network tomorrow it would do little, if anything to change a culture. Only God can do that. His divine plan is to use parents and those in His service to point teenagers toward His truths. Without obedience to God's specific mandate, we can expect this culture to continue down the rabbit hole of sinfulness. Isn't that the projected path of sinfulness highlighted in God's word?

Until parents and those who lead teenagers understand this sobering reality, teenagers will still "Want their MTV." And MTV will continue to reflect and profit from a culture that is rapidly moving away from God.

New Blog for Parents of the Connected Generation!

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