From Halo To Hot Sauce: What 25 Years Of Violent Video Game Research Looks Like

From Halo To Hot Sauce: What 25 Years Of Violent Video Game Research Looks Like

Epic Parent: Overcoming Adolescent Fears

Epic Parent: Overcoming Adolescent Fears: As children move into adolescence, they engage in a brand new culture. So many things begin to change in their lives. They begin to se...

Epic Parent: The Parent Factor: Your Children Are Learning From...

Epic Parent: The Parent Factor: Your Children Are Learning From...: When asked about the greatest challenge school's face today, a superintendent of a large school district said the following: Pare...

Epic Parent: What MTV Reveals About The Youth Culture

Epic Parent: What MTV Reveals About The Youth Culture: I want my MTV! Oh yeah! I was a rabid MTV fan as a teenager and even into adulthood. When MTV first aired, it was more about mus...

Overcoming Adolescent Fears

As children move into adolescence, they engage in a brand new culture. So many things begin to change in their lives. They begin to separate themselves into new peer groups. Acceptance becomes a key concern which leads to new behaviors and activities. School becomes more difficult as they wade through these adolescence changes. They begin to pull more toward independence as they grow mentally, physically and into new relationships.

This new world starts around their entrance into the 6th grade and really doesn't end until they graduate from high school. Some studies show this even lingers into the college years. That's why we call adolescence the "Formative years." These six short years represent the period in your child's life where they will experience the most change. Change in personality, habits, physically, social behavior, and spiritual formation.

These changes often result in deep feelings of fear. Yes, fear for the parents. I was terrified! I wanted to lock my daughters up and release them when they married. After I determined that sounded like a cult, I got over it. Parents fear these changes and some have hair loss or change in hair color to prove it. But it brings even more fear into the adolescent mind. It all happens so fast and is so powerful that fear is a natural reaction to this new culture. This is a natural reaction to the change going on both in their lives and the changes going on around them. Particularly in their peer culture.

The role of parents is critical during adolescence. I have a friend who has three teenage girls. He recently told me that real parenting didn't begin until his daughters started middle school. "Suddenly," he said, "Parenting is hard work!" Most parents will agree. Parents play a crucial role in helping their children sort out the new world and understanding the changes in their culture. More important, parents help their children work through the fear this change brings into their young lives.

Fear has the potential to completely immobilize your child. It can stop them from pursuing their interest and reaching their goals. It can also hinder them from reaching their full potential as a follower of Christ. They become paralyzed by their fear.

Parents play a pivotal role in helping their children understand and face these fears. These are teachable moments. Helping teenagers  overcome their fears is a big part of their future success.

What is a teenager's greatest fear? Fear of failure.

A recent survey among a large adolescent sample group found that failure was their greatest fear.

Teenagers live in a culture that has a tendency to measure success and failure based on superficial standards heavily influenced by media outlets. This leads teenagers to fear they aren't pretty enough, thin enough, cool enough, strong enough, smart enough, and even fear they will greatly disappoint their parents by not living up to their idea for their lives. The fear is real and has great influence on their lives. It affects the way they dress, the activities they engage in, their choice of friends. It develops a sense of risk versus reward where they will only attempt the things that guarantee success. This is a dangerous precedent as they often settle for mediocrity.

Teenagers must understand that failure is often the greatest cause of future success. Sometimes we will fail in life. Some of us will fail often. I'm not bitter. With each failure is a golden opportunity to lean and grow. We are never guaranteed that everything we attempt will succeed. But be sure you will never succeed if you don't at least try.

Parents. Allow your children to fail. Never discourage them from their ambitions. Well, unless those ambitions are immoral, dangerous, or involve anything to do with worshipping Satan. This sounds like crazy talk, but failure, when approached from a learning standpoint is incredibly valuable to their lives. Use it to their advantage.

Some of their fear is fueled by the need to please the people they love and trust the most. That's their parents. Always encourage them to try the things that interest them. If they fail, use those failures as valuable teachable moments. This mentality greatly impacts their young lives.

We all know the story of basketball great Michael Jordan. Initially he was a failure at basketball. At the beginning of his sophomore season, Michael Jordan was cut from the high school team. He wasn't good enough. That's hard to imagine. The key to his future success was his ability to use those failures as moments of clarity. His mother used these failures to express her faith and love for him and to encourage him to continue working hard to achieve his dream. This pushed him to try harder. He would later say that her encouragement and love produced confidence in his ability to achieve. We all know the results.  Michael Jordan will go down as one of the greatest players in basketball history.

We could fill this article with the names of people who experienced failure only to use those failures as a catalyst for success. Names like, Beethoven, actor Harrison Ford, comedian Jerry Seinfeld, Walt Disney, Abraham Lincoln, and Albert Einstein. All of these great people experienced great failures in their lives only to go on to achieve amazing success. They all attribute their failures as the determining factor to their success.

I love this quote from Robert F. Kennedy.

"Only those who dare to fail greatly can achieve greatly."

Finally. It's so important that your children understand the unconditional love you have for them. It's so important that your children know your love for them isn't based on performance. When they fail, and be sure, they will, take advantage of the opportunity to express your love for them and help them grow through the failures. This reassurance and act of love will produce confidence in their abilities and encourage them to press on toward their goals and passions.

Even bigger, help them understand God's unconditional love for them. God is in the business of redeeming our failures for His glory. Anything we attempt for God's glory is a guaranteed success! It's not always easy, and the success is not always obvious, but it's always a win. I like that.

The Parent Factor: Your Children Are Learning From You

When asked about the greatest challenge school's face today, a superintendent of a large school district said the following:

Parents are absent in the most important aspect of their children's lives. There is a void we see in children's lives that only they can teach. That void is character and ethics. Now they are asking us to teach it in our schools and to make it a regular part of our curriculum. It seems they expect administrators and teachers to teach their children ethics and basic human values.  But an education system can never replace the importance of parents modeling this behavior at home. The parents who are lobbying for more of this curriculum in our schools are the same parents who take their children to a restaurant and tell them to lie about their age so they can get a cheaper meal. The same parents who attempt to rescue their child when they get in trouble at school or in extra-curricular activities. The same parents who routinely lie to administrators and teachers in order to protect their children from bad grades, tardiness, or an unexcused absence. Anything we could possibly teach children at school about ethics and character would be like pouring water into a bucket with a huge hole in the bottom because parents have the most influence in their children's lives and, for the most part, they are not living ethical lives that display good character. 

Research clearly shows that parents are the most powerful role model in their children's lives. The bible clearly supports these findings. This is the basic principles taught in Deuteronomy chapter 6. Here God tells His followers how to live and what it means to be His follower. In the Hebrew culture Deuteronomy 6:4 (also applied to 6:4-9) is known as the "Shema." It is extremely important in the Jewish culture. God tells His followers two important principles in these verses that have everything to do with parents as the primary teacher of their children.

1. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. God is basically telling His followers that we are to love Him through obedience with all of our lives.Our love is expressed to God through obedience. We obey through knowing His word and living it out in our homes and culture.

2. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. 

In others words, we are to live out God's commands in our lives in front of our children. At home, and in our daily lives. The word diligence is a strong word that means earnestly and consistently. It comes from the same word that means, "To Sharpen." We are to consistently teach and be an example of God's precepts for our children.

This has the biggest impact in their young lives because it is the way God designed families and parenting. I love the common Hebrew saying. "A child speaks in the marketplace the way he heard his parents speaking at home."

Psychologists remind us that the  model parents present influence our children very early in their lives.

A report from the Journal of the American Medical Association:

Neonates are born with an instinctive capacity and desire to imitate adult behavior. That infants can, and do, imitate an array of adult facial expressions has been demonstrated in neonates as young as a few hours old, i.e., before they are even old enough to know cognitively that they themselves have facial features that correspond with those they are observing. It is a most useful instinct, for the developing child must learn and master a vast repertoire of behavior in short order.

The JAMA report also warns about the downside of pediatric modeling: Whereas infants have an instinctive desire to imitate observed human behavior, they do not possess an instinct for gauging a priori whether a behavior ought to be imitated. They will imitate almost anything, including behaviors that most adults would regard as destructive and antisocial.

That's enough evidence to conclude that children grow and learn primarily from their parents or guardians who are their greatest influence.

We could also talk about recent studies that relate things such as smoking, drug/alcohol use, poor dieting habits, and even seat belt use to parental influence. It seems the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Parental modeling isn't the only determining factor in adolescent behavior and certainly we can cherry pick instances of teenagers who rise above negative parental influence, but the research is clear that parents have the greatest influence in their lives. This is both good and terrifying. Good because the research shows that parents can influence their teenagers. Terrifying because this puts more focus on parental coaching.

We must understand that adolescents learn the most from observed behavior. They learn from what they see more than what they hear. It's like they have this built-in hypocrisy detector. They are less likely to do what you say if they don't see it modeled in your life.

I recently read a great story of parental influence that demonstrates this fact.

A son goes to the store with his Mother. When she was checking out, the clerk failed to properly credit her for a promotional item. She tried in vain to correct the problem with the checkout clerk and was eventually directed to the store manager. The manager seemed to busy to discuss her complaint and was also uncooperative. After failing to reach an agreement on the oversight by the checkout clerk, the manager finally relented and reached into a cash drawer and handed her the appropriate compensation.

On their way home, the mother realized that the manager gave her more money than the promotional item was worth. She was already running late for an appointment and could not return to the market. That night the woman could not sleep. She kept thinking about the money in her wallet that did not belong to her. The next morning she rushed her children to get ready for school so she could stop by the store and refund the money. There in front of her children, she explained to the manager the mistake he made the previous day. The manager seemed uninterested in her story but took the money and returned it to the cash register drawer.

Months later, the woman's son took a very difficult test at school. Most of his classmates bombed the test but her son received a grade of A+. As his teacher passed out the graded test, she commended him in front of the entire class. Then, because so many of her students did poorly on the test, the teacher decided to review the test with the class and correct the answers. During the review, the son realized he actually made a mistake on the exam but the teacher missed the error. Throughout the review the son struggled with his desire for the A+. Ultimately his guilty conscience prevailed. After class he approached his teacher and pointed out her grading error.

Later that night the son told his mother about the test and the grading error. She praised him for his honesty and his willingness to do the right thing. He told her that he really wanted to just keep the A+ but couldn't do it. He said he just kept thinking about his mom giving the money back to the store manager. He said when he thought of what his mom did he knew what he had to do. The teacher was so impressed with his honesty, she rewarded him by giving him the A+ despite the mistake.

Most parents realize that values and perspectives must be planted by personal example. This isn't a new concept. The problem for most adolescents is their parents are holding them to a standard they have not mastered and do not model in their lifestyle. This reminds me of my mother's favorite saying. "Do as I say, not as I do." I think this is a parent saying we use when we really don't know what to say.

The hypocrisy has disastrous results. Teenagers begin to view their parents and other influential people in their lives as insincere. It does great damage to the parent-child relationship and eventually can cause teenagers to reject the moral authority of the adults in their lives. This is why so many teenagers begin to make their own decisions about right and wrong. A disaster waiting to happen.

Let's be honest. Serving as a model for our children is hard work. Children see us at all hours of the day under all circumstances. If we have a temper they see it. If we tell a "Little white lie" they hear it. If we constantly complain and give off a general negative tone, they hear it. If we gossip, they hear our gossip. This is why our personal relationship with Christ must be our first priority. Our call as followers of Christ is to grow into the model he displayed during his life on planet earth and the words from God in our bibles. This is critical in our personal walk and those we influence. It's out of this obedience that we have the power to live the life we so desire for our children. And when we blow it, and we will, we must respond appropriately to God's expressed desire and use our mistakes as teachable moments for our children. It's called honesty.

We have a great example of how important influence was in ancient Hebrew tradition.

It comes from a decision made by Abraham. Abraham was ready to find a suitable wife for his son Isaac. So he sends his servant off to find this wife. Abraham made his servant swear that he wouldn't bring home a woman from the local Canaanites because they were known for being murderers and thieves. Abraham told his servant to choose a woman from Abraham's homeland. But these women were known for being idol worshippers. This seemed strange to his servant. It seems strange to me.

Why would Abraham prefer an idol-worshipper over a murderer or thief? It had everything to do with their parents and how the women were raised. What's the point? As parents we try our best to pass our traits and beliefs down to our children. But usually only our character traits pass instantly and without notification to our children. Our belief's hover in spiritual no-man's-land until our children choose to accept them or reject them.

Abraham understood that murder and theft resulted from corrupt character. He reasoned that a woman from a family with corrupt traits would necessarily pass those traits on to her children. Something he didn't want for Isaac. Idol worship, in contrast, results from mistaken beliefs. Unlike the inheritance of character traits, parental beliefs do not necessarily penetrate too deeply and their superficial influence could be corrected quickly. Amazing. He essentially chooses a wife for Isaac based on her parental influence.

If we're being honest, what are we teaching our children through our lives? We should never be surprised if we witness our children exhibiting the same character traits and values we display in and through our lives. If you want to have the greatest impact on your children, be who you desire for them to be.

What MTV Reveals About The Youth Culture

I want my MTV!

Oh yeah! I was a rabid MTV fan as a teenager and even into adulthood. When MTV first aired, it was more about music than the current trend toward reality television. They actually lived up to their name, "Music Television." The first video I watched on MTV was "Little Red Corvette" by the pop icon, Prince. Maybe I'm dating myself . . . I digress. MTV was revolutionary in the music video genre. They made it possible to watch your favorite music artist, singing your favorite songs in short videos. Genius idea. It sure beat "American Bandstand," and "Soul Train." Yes. I might have watched Soul Train. I was trying to learn how to dance. What can I say? The "Robot" is difficult to learn.

The current news about a new reality program on MTV called, "Losing It," has once again put the network under a microscope. This show was to feature people in the pursuit of losing their virginity. Fortunately, the outcry from parents and major organizations caused MTV to cancel the show. If you scratch beneath the surface you will find the main reason for the cancellation was organizations threatening to remove advertisements. Make no mistake. It was not a decision based on morality. That's never been their style. It was a simple issue of basic economics. So what does this say about MTV?

Music Television 101

MTV targets a younger audience. The idea behind the channel is one of marketing genius. In fact, most people think that MTV should change their name to ATV, for "Advertising Television." Advertising is the main purpose for the network. This isn't some tin-foil hat wearing conspiracy theory. They are very open in their pursuit of the billions of dollars an adolescent audience represents. Before we cast stones, it is important to point out that the purpose of every network is to make money. This is why they exist. The motivation is to create programs that will attract an audience. If you are successful in drawing an audience the product advertisers will follow. The more advertisers you attract, the more profit you generate for your network. This is business 101. It's not that complex.

MTV's parent company is Viacom. Viacom is an American global media company. They own several popular networks. Their most profitable networks are, MTV,  Nickelodeon, Country Music Television, Comedy Central, and VH1. MTV is their most profitable network. It is estimated that MTV generates over one billion dollars in annual profits. The American market represents 80% of MTV's revenue.

Teenagers represent MTV's main source of revenue. Their largest audience comes from the 12-34 year old age group. If you focus the microscope a little more, you will find the primary audience is teenagers between the ages of 13-19. Over 32 million people in the Untied States watch MTV at least once a week. 8.5 million teenagers watch MTV at least once a day. It seems they have captured their target audience. This is by design.

There are currently around 32 million teenagers living in America. This represents the largest group of teenagers in American history. They are also the most marketed group of teenagers in the history of media. The reason is simple. Teenagers represent the age group with the most expendable income. Most agree that teenagers run today's economy. On average, teenagers in America spend around 100 billion dollars of their earnings every year. Their parents contribute another 50 billion dollars to their desires. This means teenagers represent around 150 billion dollars in potential revenue. The math is simple. Companies target teenagers because they are willing to spend most of their earnings and certainly don't mind spending their parents earnings. Starting to see the genius behind MTV? This was the impetus for the network. Their primary goal is to attract an audience who will buy the products advertised on their network. Attracting a teenage audience is the key to their success. Without teenagers, MTV would cease to exist.

MTV doesn't view teenagers as people but as customers. Again, this shouldn't come as a surprise. They exist to make money. They use various means to get into the mind of the teenage audience. They even use "Culture Spies" to obtain vital information. "Culture Spies," are people hired to engage teenagers in their natural habitat. They infiltrate the teenage audience to obtain vital information about popular trends. They essentially want to know what teenagers view as cool. This information drives MTV's programming. They cater to the teenagers perception of cool because cool sales products. They even have teams that visits teenagers in their homes. They are relentless in their pursuit of understanding the current popular teenage trends.

This is both genius and horrifying. If MTV learns the culture to reach into the wallets of this culture, then what does that say about the current teenage culture? All of MTV's programs are specifically designed to reach the teenage audience. They learn the teenage culture so they can attract them to their network. This means their programming is shaped by the values and felt needs of the current teenage culture.

One of the most popular programs in the history of MTV is the realty show called "Jersey Shore." This program features a group of friends living in New Jersey. There is no plot. Just an open view into the lives of the characters. It only takes one viewing to understand the basic premiss. They are all basically alcoholics who seem to live in a constant state of party. They routinely engage in sexual activity and generally represents a parents nightmare. Did I mention this is probably the most popular shows in the history of MTV?  Jersey Shore has made instant celebrities of all of its characters. Keep in mind that this show only survives because of a teenage audience. What does this mean? This means teenagers living in America have created this monster. We can blame them for having to endure "The Situation," and "Snooki."

Let's connect some dots. MTV sells out to learning everything they can about the current teenage culture. They learn the culture to reach the culture to make money. This means all of their programming is shaped by the values of the current teenage culture. Which leads us to the tragic conclusion that every show presented by MTV represents the very heartbeat of an entire generation of teenagers. MTV creates shows to attract what teenagers see as cool. They are not alone in this pursuit. If you look at the most popular television programs in the teenage demographic, you will find shows like, "Glee," and "Family Guy." Again, both representing the tone of a teenage culture. Let's be clear. If Christianity was perceived as cool by the teenage culture, MTV and other networks would feature programs to attract that audience. "Jersey Shore" might be, "Jesus Shore." Oh, that was bad. You get the point.

The reality is, despite the common sentiment, MTV is not out to shape the teenage culture through their programming. They just want their expendable income.  However, their programming does reveal the current mentality of a teenage culture. If you want to know what this teenager culture perceives as cool, watch MTV. This is a heart breaking reality.

So instead of getting our pitchforks and torches and storming the 2nd floor of  the Viacom Headquarters in New York City, we should take a deeper look at the values and norms of the teenage culture. MTV is simply a reflection of this teenage culture. If the values and morality of the teenage culture changed, so would MTV.

It's always easy to cast blame for the current issues in adolescent culture. Sure, MTV should exhibit more caution in their programming.  They are certainly cognizant of the fact that teenagers are extremely vulnerable and impressionable. This article is not a defense of MTV. But the bigger issue is a teenage culture drifting away from the very basics of civility and morality. The very things God instruct parents to teach and model to their children. The very things those in teenage leadership surrender their lives to proclaim. What does this revelation say about our efforts?

In a very real way, MTV is showing us the current tone of the teenage culture. If MTV pulled the plug on its network tomorrow it would do little, if anything to change a culture. Only God can do that. His divine plan is to use parents and those in His service to point teenagers toward His truths. Without obedience to God's specific mandate, we can expect this culture to continue down the rabbit hole of sinfulness. Isn't that the projected path of sinfulness highlighted in God's word?

Until parents and those who lead teenagers understand this sobering reality, teenagers will still "Want their MTV." And MTV will continue to reflect and profit from a culture that is rapidly moving away from God.

Epic Parent: 5 Things Teenagers Must Believe About Themselves

Epic Parent: 5 Things Teenagers Must Believe About Themselves: Teenagers are heavily influenced by culture and those in their circle of influence. We all have a circle of influence. You might recog...

5 Things Teenagers Must Believe About Themselves

Teenagers are heavily influenced by culture and those in their circle of influence. We all have a circle of influence. You might recognize this as "Sphere of influence." These are people you have the most contact and have gained an influence in their lives. It's those who trust our opinion and ideas and those we trust that help shape our lives. It represents our families, mentors, friends, co-workers, teams, groups, and organizations.

Influencers always produce one thing. Change. This is both positive and negative change.

The more people we get to know, the larger our circle of influence becomes. Think about how much of who you are today was influenced by your parents, a sibling, relatives, teachers, coaches, neighbors, authors, pastors, bosses, co-workers, spouse or friends. Values, habits, behavior, knowledge, skills, passions, hobbies, tastes and attitudes are typically learned through association with others.

Teenagers are especially vulnerable to influence. Consider this excerpt from an article published by a research group at Harvard University:

Research during the past 10 years, powered by technology such as functional magnetic resonance imaging, has revealed that young brains have both fast-growing synapses and sections that remain unconnected. This leaves teens easily influenced by their environment and more prone to impulsive behavior, even without the impact of souped-up hormones and any genetic or family predispositions.

It appears the teenage brain is not just an adult brain with fewer miles on it. They are in a critical time of development. Teenagers are people with very sharp brains, but they’re not quite sure what to do with them. They're trying to figure it all out. So it makes sense that they are easily influenced by those around them. This is good to know as a parent or youth leader. This means we have the capacity to greatly influence these young minds and hearts.

Parents represent the greatest influence in their children's lives. This is by design. Your children are a beautiful gift from God. He planted you smack dab in the middle of your their lives to love, care, and yes, influence their lives for His glory (see Deuteronomy chapter 6). This is an incredible opportunity for parents. It's bigger than we might imagine. As parents take an active role in influencing the lives of their children for God's glory and their good, they are helping to shape and entire culture. The implications are off the charts.

The failure of parents to take an active role in influencing their children produces negative consequences. Teenagers, who are desperate for influence, will fill the void of influence left by their parents with the information they gain from others. Most often their friends. You know, the same friends who are trying to figure it all out. We see this all the time. Parents must take an active role in shaping their children's lives. If we fail to help shape their lives we can only assume someone else will do that for us. The results are obvious in our world.

With this in mind, we complied a list of 5 things parents should help their children understand. This list is not exhaustive, but can help give a framework for positive change in teenagers.

1. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over evil and sin. (1 John 4:4 ). As Christians, we are no longer a slave to sin and have power over it through Christ. It no longer owns us. This is great news. Through Christ, we have the power to overcome. We are God's address. He lives in us. This means we have the ability to recognize and overcome sinfulness. This is so important for your teenager to understand as they are inundated with moral decisions on a daily basis. They have the power to overcome!

2. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over every circumstance in their lives. (Mark 11:23; Philippians 4:13). Through the power of Christ, they can overcome.

3. Help them understand they have the ability to control their mind and can push out evil thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:4,5; Philippians 4: 8,9). This is so important in a world that has no boundaries in what they present to teenagers. I am currently counseling with more teenagers than I care to mention in the area of pornography. It is easily accessible through the Internet. You can't imagine how much power it has over their young lives. Understanding they have the power to overcome is essential. If you want to understand some of the messages the world gives this culture watch the most viewed television programs among teenagers. But be warned. Jersey Shore, Glee, and Family Guy present material that makes most parents cringe. Through Christ, teenagers have the ability to control their minds and overcome.

4. Help your teenager understand they are poised for success and they should never accept defeat as final. (1 Corinthians 15:57; Matthew 19:26). They love this one! God is committed to working out His desire for our lives. We only struggle when we kick against His desire. Christians must define success on God's terms and not the world's warped idea. We can never fully measure up to the world's idea of success. It leaves us in a depressing vicious cycle. The good news is we are never measured by the world's idea of success. Because of grace and unimaginable love, God's idea of success can be obtained. This is great news for teenagers who constantly measure themselves based on the world's standards. Help them break this mentality.

5. Help them understand the difference between hating sin and loving sinners. (Proverbs 12:2). This is the teaching and example from Christ's life. Teenagers often get confused between the two. They see someone who sins as bad and avoid them. Jesus saw sinners as people who were sinful but desperately desired to set them free from its grip. He loves sinners. I am so thankful He does because I am a sinner. Teenagers are in the best position to reach the most vulnerable people on the planet with the gospel of Christ. They simply need to see sinners as Christ sees them. People He loved enough to give His life and passionately wants to set free.

Helping your teenagers understand these basic principles will change their lives. Be the influence they desire for you to be. If we refuse to see the value in our influence as parents, we should expect others to shape the minds of our children. I never want this as a parent. God gives me the great opportunity to help shape my children's minds and hearts, and bigger, change an entire culture.