Teenagers are heavily influenced by culture and those in their circle of influence. We all have a circle of influence. You might recognize this as "Sphere of influence." These are people you have the most contact and have gained an influence in their lives. It's those who trust our opinion and ideas and those we trust that help shape our lives. It represents our families, mentors, friends, co-workers, teams, groups, and organizations.
Influencers always produce one thing. Change. This is both positive and negative change.
The more people we get to know, the larger our circle of influence becomes. Think about how much of who you are today was influenced by your parents, a sibling, relatives, teachers, coaches, neighbors, authors, pastors, bosses, co-workers, spouse or friends. Values, habits, behavior, knowledge, skills, passions, hobbies, tastes and attitudes are typically learned through association with others.
Teenagers are especially vulnerable to influence. Consider this excerpt from an article published by a research group at Harvard University:
Research during the past 10 years, powered by technology such as functional magnetic resonance imaging, has revealed that young brains have both fast-growing synapses and sections that remain unconnected. This leaves teens easily influenced by their environment and more prone to impulsive behavior, even without the impact of souped-up hormones and any genetic or family predispositions.
It appears the teenage brain is not just an adult brain with fewer miles on it. They are in a critical time of development. Teenagers are people with very sharp brains, but they’re not quite sure what to do with them. They're trying to figure it all out. So it makes sense that they are easily influenced by those around them. This is good to know as a parent or youth leader. This means we have the capacity to greatly influence these young minds and hearts.
Parents represent the greatest influence in their children's lives. This is by design. Your children are a beautiful gift from God. He planted you smack dab in the middle of your their lives to love, care, and yes, influence their lives for His glory (see Deuteronomy chapter 6). This is an incredible opportunity for parents. It's bigger than we might imagine. As parents take an active role in influencing the lives of their children for God's glory and their good, they are helping to shape and entire culture. The implications are off the charts.
The failure of parents to take an active role in influencing their children produces negative consequences. Teenagers, who are desperate for influence, will fill the void of influence left by their parents with the information they gain from others. Most often their friends. You know, the same friends who are trying to figure it all out. We see this all the time. Parents must take an active role in shaping their children's lives. If we fail to help shape their lives we can only assume someone else will do that for us. The results are obvious in our world.
With this in mind, we complied a list of 5 things parents should help their children understand. This list is not exhaustive, but can help give a framework for positive change in teenagers.
1. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over evil and sin. (1 John 4:4 ). As Christians, we are no longer a slave to sin and have power over it through Christ. It no longer owns us. This is great news. Through Christ, we have the power to overcome. We are God's address. He lives in us. This means we have the ability to recognize and overcome sinfulness. This is so important for your teenager to understand as they are inundated with moral decisions on a daily basis. They have the power to overcome!
2. Help your teenager understand they have been given power over every circumstance in their lives. (Mark 11:23; Philippians 4:13). Through the power of Christ, they can overcome.
3. Help them understand they have the ability to control their mind and can push out evil thoughts. (2 Corinthians 10:4,5; Philippians 4: 8,9). This is so important in a world that has no boundaries in what they present to teenagers. I am currently counseling with more teenagers than I care to mention in the area of pornography. It is easily accessible through the Internet. You can't imagine how much power it has over their young lives. Understanding they have the power to overcome is essential. If you want to understand some of the messages the world gives this culture watch the most viewed television programs among teenagers. But be warned. Jersey Shore, Glee, and Family Guy present material that makes most parents cringe. Through Christ, teenagers have the ability to control their minds and overcome.
4. Help your teenager understand they are poised for success and they should never accept defeat as final. (1 Corinthians 15:57; Matthew 19:26). They love this one! God is committed to working out His desire for our lives. We only struggle when we kick against His desire. Christians must define success on God's terms and not the world's warped idea. We can never fully measure up to the world's idea of success. It leaves us in a depressing vicious cycle. The good news is we are never measured by the world's idea of success. Because of grace and unimaginable love, God's idea of success can be obtained. This is great news for teenagers who constantly measure themselves based on the world's standards. Help them break this mentality.
5. Help them understand the difference between hating sin and loving sinners. (Proverbs 12:2). This is the teaching and example from Christ's life. Teenagers often get confused between the two. They see someone who sins as bad and avoid them. Jesus saw sinners as people who were sinful but desperately desired to set them free from its grip. He loves sinners. I am so thankful He does because I am a sinner. Teenagers are in the best position to reach the most vulnerable people on the planet with the gospel of Christ. They simply need to see sinners as Christ sees them. People He loved enough to give His life and passionately wants to set free.
Helping your teenagers understand these basic principles will change their lives. Be the influence they desire for you to be. If we refuse to see the value in our influence as parents, we should expect others to shape the minds of our children. I never want this as a parent. God gives me the great opportunity to help shape my children's minds and hearts, and bigger, change an entire culture.
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